


it's not easy bein' green

by IntergalacticCrime



Category: Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005), Doctor Who (Big Finish Audio)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-12
Updated: 2021-01-24
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:39:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 20,128
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23605435
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IntergalacticCrime/pseuds/IntergalacticCrime
Summary: I just want to see them break up and Jenny thrive on her own I'm not asking for the world
Relationships: Jenny Flint/Madame Vastra
Comments: 35
Kudos: 62





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Updates are gonna probably be slow and i'm for sure gonna rewrite as i see fit because I'll probably think of a good joke or a funnier way of doing something after the fact and just drop it in lol
> 
> The title is the wankiest thing ever but i deadass could not think of a title so it was either a lyric or 'How Jenny Got Her Groove Back' and i'm assuming that wouldn't be well received. as soon as i think of an actually good title i'll change it
> 
> Edit: I changed the title

Jenny knew she had something of a temper. She was a former urchin from the mean streets of London, _of course_ she had a temper, and this temper was wearing thin. Threadbare, even. She was normally so patient but every voice she heard sounded like nails on a chalkboard. Not that she was terribly familiar with that sound either, it had been a long, long time since she’d been in school and Vastra preferred pin boards ( _‘yes I know we go through a lot of paper and it isn’t cheap but chalk gets everywhere and I don’t like how it feels,’_ rang in her head. God Vastra could be picky). Thinking about anything was making her even more antsy. She would have liked to dive into something mind numbing, like washing up, or sleeping, or striking a punching bag so hard she sprained her wrist.

“Jenny will take care of it.” She snapped out of her fantasies of doing something terrifically mind numbing. What was she expected to take care of? “Won’t you, my dear?”

If the great detective were not wearing her veil the inspector would have seen the widening of her eyes and her face slacken with concern at Jenny’s reaction to ‘my dear’. Vastra, who was fairly tuned to Jenny and her reactions (no matter how subtle she thought she was being) saw that her pupils contracted to pinpricks and her expression hardened. She knew for sure she shouldn’t have called her that but had no idea as to why. She’d called her that before. Many times. Before they were even- she’d called her that _a lot_ and until now she thought she liked the term of endearment. Perhaps she owed her years worth of apologies.

“Actually, inspector, if you could ask one of your juniors I would be ever so grateful.” Her accent slipped as she spoke. Perhaps she was laying it on a bit thick but suddenly she wanted to leave with Jenny in tow. “I have an… errand. We need to go.”

“Oh,” he blustered, “of course Madame. Once again we are-“

“Yes thank you, we are off. Jenny?”

She nodded and followed, taking Vastra’s lead and keeping a quicker pace than comfortable so not to be stopped by chatter. Vastra could _talk_ if she was stopped. Talk and show off.

Parker was only around the corner, it didn’t take long but time dragged without their usual flow of conversation. “Home, please Mr. Parker,” she said without looking up at him while she held the door open for her maid. _Partner_. Her partner, she wasn’t her maid, she couldn’t even remember the last time she paid her. Thinking about that, it probably wasn’t such a good thing that she didn’t know that. _What if Jenny gets arrested for tax evasion?_

Vastra sat opposite of her and removed her veil as soon as the door closed. “Jenny, do you still pay taxes since I no longer pay you directly?”

Jenny was so surprised by such an odd and contextually irrelevant question she briefly forgot she was in a foul mood. “Beg your pardon?”

“It just occurred to me that you may be committing some kind of tax fraud.”

“I just take whatever’s needed from the bank account, its in your name so you have to pay it.”

“I know that, I’m very diligent.”

“And I’m not? Is that why you have to check?”

“That isn’t what I meant at all.” Jenny was unusually prickly. Something was definitely wrong but Vastra sorely lacked the social skills to handle it gracefully. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. I’m just tired,” she lied, suddenly for the first time feeling like her mother’s daughter, remembering how she used to say that to her father. That didn’t feel good at all. “Sorry. I just woke up on the wrong side of the bed.”

Vastra thought before she spoke, not wanting to put her foot in her mouth again. Jenny definitely was on her usual side of the bed this morning. “Is that one of your phrases?”

She held back the curtain with her hand, holding it open only just enough to see out. Despite her mood it was gorgeous out. What she wouldn’t have done to draw them back and feel the sun and warmth through the glass. It was too hot for tea when they got home, Jenny would make them both something on the rocks, Vastra would remind her, playfully, she didn’t need any more help being cold blooded, Jenny would suggest they go for a walk to enjoy the weather and they’d walk hand in hand or arm in arm. If that were remotely possible that would be nice. Really nice. “Yeah, it’s one of my phrases.”

“What does it mean?”

“I just woke up in a bad mood.”

“Did you?” She hadn't seemed to be in a bad mood at breakfast, or for the rest of the morning.

“It doesn’t matter. Are we far?”

“We only just got in.”

“Right.”

Vastra felt uncomfortable in a way only Jenny could make her feel and she probably didn’t even mean to do it. “You know, you can talk to me.”

“I know.” She did know, but she wouldn’t understand.

“Have I done something?”

“No.”

“Are you sure? Or are you just saying that?”

“ _Ma’am_.”

“Sorry.”

“Can we just leave it be?”

“Alright.”

The rest of the journey went without speaking. Jenny spent all of it looking out the window. The concrete was so bright she sometimes had to squint against it. The usually talked the whole way. If it was a particularly long journey or if it was late and they were tired they’d sit on the same side and Jenny would sleep against her.

“We’re almost home,” she said, desperate to finally break the silence between them.

“I know.”

_Of course, she’s been looking out the window._ “Do you want me to make tea when we get in?”

“I was hoping I could just write up the case and turn in, if that fine by you.” It didn’t need to be fine by her, she was just being polite.

“Your time is yours.”

“I should hope so.”

When they stopped Jenny didn’t even wait for Parker to tell them they had arrived before opening the door and getting out. Surprisingly, at least to Vastra, she still held the door open and offered her hand to help her down. Perhaps her assumption she was the problem was a symptom of her vanity. Did Jenny think she was vain? Probably, but she was fairly sure Jenny also found it endearing when she preened. Jenny knew she didn’t need the assistance, but she _liked_ doing it, she just wished the hand grasping hers wasn’t gloved.

“I’ll see you later.”

* * *

Vastra spent the evening tense, replaying the day _and_ the day before, trying to figure out if she’d said or done something to offend Jenny. As far as she could tell she hadn’t done anything this time.

She brooded in her study, posing herself in her chair with papers about her desk in case Jenny came to check on her and caught her looking, she assumed, very cool. Jenny never did come in to check on her. She really must have just turned in.

When her arm cramped on the arm of her chair (from the posing) she realised she hadn’t heard from Strax in a while. Maybe _he_ had offended her. _No, she would have been very vocal about it if it was Strax’s fault_.

It took a lot to not treat her like a case. She had a feeling she wouldn’t like being investigated. After mulling it over, which really meant a lot of staring into space and willing Jenny to spend time with her, she decided to leave it and let Jenny come to her. It was the mature thing to do. Wait it out. Which really meant watching the clock until it was an appropriate and unsuspicious time to also go to bed so it didn’t look like she was following behind so eagerly.

* * *

“Jenny?” she whispered from the doorway, in part to see if she was still awake but more to see if she’d chosen to sleep in their bed at all.

“Don’t lurk, it makes me nervous.”

Vastra laughed as she stepped through and closed the door behind her. The floorboards creaked under her as she made her way to the chest of drawers to get changed into her nightwear. “I do not believe for a second that anyone could make you nervous.” As the floorboards creaked again on her way to what was her side of the bed she wondered how Jenny had ever managed to sneak out unnoticed.

“It doesn’t happen often.”

“That I do believe.”

“I’m sorry about today.”

Vastra reached out and combed her fingers through her hair before putting her arm around Jenny’s middle. “Do you want to talk?”

“It doesn’t matter, really.”

“You’re sure?”

She laced her fingers through Vastra’s. This was nice but she felt the same unpleasantness as she had earlier. It _was_ nice, lovely even, but they had never actually discussed what they were to each other. They’d moved past stolen evenings and averted eyes to terms of endearment and affection, to sleeping on top of each other after long days and to kissing goodbye. Vastra took to it well, having much more a sense of security and certainty in her situation. A house, status, and funds nobody would ever find suspicious. Jenny couldn’t do that, as far as the world outside the house knew she was at best an odd choice of assistant to a widowed woman with eccentric whims. “I’m sure.”


	2. Chapter 2

Jenny awoke, as usual, before Vastra. She’d rolled over at some point in the night and ended up with her head on her shoulder rather than her pillow. The sun was casting orange through the gaps in the curtains. On the few times she’d seen Vastra up at sunrise the light made her darkest scales look black and shiny like spilled ink and splashed all her edges bright.

Now she was awake she could unwind herself from her, instead she reached up and ran the knuckle of her forefinger over her cheekbone and across her jaw. For a long time the only time she ever saw her relaxed was when she was asleep. She still hadn’t got used to it. Now she saw the same ease in every room.

“How long are you going to do that for?”

Jenny took her hand back and rested it between them. “I didn’t mean to wake you.”

“There are far worse ways to greet the day.” Jenny rolled her eyes. God she was dramatic. Vastra responded with a wicked grin. “I see I’m testing your patience already.”

Vastra leaned towards her for a kiss, tilting her head in a question when Jenny backed off. “Morning breath,” she said before putting her head back where it was on her shoulder.

“If you get off me I could do something about that.”

“How about I stay here like this for a while?”

“I’m agreeable to that.”

Jenny scooched closer and hugged her torso to her.

“My dear,” she leaned her own head to touch hers, “this is why I am concerned. You _feel_ unhappy.”

“Sorry.”

Vastra joined her hands together over Jenny’s upper arm. They didn’t say anything else for a while until Vastra broke the silence again.

“I could fall back to sleep like this.”

“Nobody says we can’t.”

“Yes they do. You say we can’t, quite often actually.”

“Then today’s the exception.”

“Don’t slip away without waking me up.”

“Its after six, I won’t be so considerate.”

“You are a stern mistress.”

“Don’t call me that.”

* * *

Jenny, as per the norm, woke up before Vastra for the second time that day. They both ought to get up, it was probably past ten and today of all days Jenny would regret not having breakfast regardless of whether or not she had an appetite at all.

She got out of bed without any attempt at conserving her madame’s rest.

Jenny knew that it would take some time for Vastra to actually get herself dressed and out of the room so she used the time to scramble herself some eggs. If she timed it just right, and she did, she could cook, eat, _and_ wash up and make it back to the room only moments after Vastra had left to, she assumed (correctly), her study.

She found a bag she could throw over her shoulder. Big enough to not require Herculean feats of folding, but just small enough that if necessary she could pull the straps snug to her body and make a quick getaway with minimal obstruction if she found herself in trouble, which she did tend to do.

Next, when she’d packed an appropriate amount, she turned her attention to the small writing desk Vastra kept in her room in case she had a thought she knew would not survive the walk to the study.

She checked the drawers. Full of stationary. Perfect, all she needed was an envelope and a sheet of paper.

* * *

Jenny knocked on the open door of the study. Vastra looked up from her hunched position over her documents and grinned at her. Said grin melted off when it was not returned. “Please, come in.”

“This won’t take long.” Jenny’s voice sounded wrong, like she was straining to get the words out despite them coming smoothly. Vastra felt her pulse race.

“I have time.”

“This is my notice,” she said, handing an envelope to her.

“Your what?” she asked as she took it from her.

“I quit. I’m leaving.”

“You’re what?”

“I’m gonna go.”

“Are you quite well?”

“Fine. I ain’t ill or nothin’. I’ve just gotta go.”

“Surely there is some discussion to be had about this?” She opened the envelope to get at the letter of notice inside. She flipped it over to read each side. “This is blank.”

“I’ve never actually written a letter of notice before and it seemed a waste to write down what I can just say to you now.”

“You can’t quit, you’re not even really my maid.”

“Out there I am. As far as everyone else is concerned I am your maid, or was up until now. If I’m gonna leave I have to do it properly.”

She dropped the 'letter' on top of her paper pile. “Please think this through for just a second.”

“I have. I’m going to take a severance pay, just a few months worth, you won’t even notice it, and I’ll get by.”

Jenny's eyes looked even darker than usual against the angry shade of pink her sclera had become. “Is this about the money? We can work something else out.”

“It’s not about the money. It isn’t even about you, not really.”

“Then stay. Go back to your old room, avoid me completely, anything is preferable to you returning to the streets."

"I’m not gonna be on the street.”

“But-“

“I promise.”

“I would never force you to do anything or to stay here, but I thought you were happy.”

“Its complicated.”

“Then talk to me, isn’t that what we’re supposed to do?”

“I’ve already got a bag packed." Vastra didn't know how, but she felt Jenny's unspoken 'you wouldn't understand' cut through her. "There’s still a few hours left in the day. I’ll be gone before the evening.”

She turned before anything else could be said. She had to resist the urge to run to what was still, technically, her room. Instead forcing to take steps that she judged to be her usual pace so Vastra wouldn’t hear her heavy footfalls.

She locked the door behind her and, at the sight of the bag she had already packed, felt tears stream down her face. She could let them fall for now. When she was somewhere else then and only then would she allow herself to do what she really wanted, which was close the door behind her and slide down it and really let it all out. God she was sad. On some level she knew this was a stupid idea but she _had to_ do it. She _had to_ go off. She hadn’t cried in such a long time, not like this, not such hot tears and never so silently. She couldn’t see at all and she wiped her nose with her sleeve. _Great, now I have to wash this._

Would it have been better to just up and leave without telling her? Perhaps just leaving a note explaining that she felt she needed to leave. Probably not. Vastra liked honesty, she at least owed it to her to be up front rather than disappear.

Vastra reeled, gravity becoming stronger in her seat, pinning her arms to the rests and dragging her weight through the seat. Jenny didn’t seem _angry_ and that made it all the more difficult to understand. If this was a fit of outrage she could understand behaviour she perceived as irrational, but she seemed oddly calm. Vastra was by no means an expert on human facial expressions and body language but she was on her way to becoming the leading expert in understanding Jenny Flint, or so she thought, and she had no idea what it was she was feeling, She was definitely sad. That was clear in swathes, but it was a calm sadness. She really seemed like this was something she’d _thought_ about and _considered_. Of course she had. Jenny was the smartest person she knew.

Fighting against the force pulling her down she pushed herself out of the chair and made her way downstairs to find Strax.

He was in the garden, throwing whatever he could find at a crudely painted target. Where had he got that? Now was not the time to ask. “Mr. Strax,” she barked from the doorway.

“Madame.” He stood to attention.

“Have you, perhaps, spoken with Miss Jenny recently about her position in this household?”

“No. Why would I do that?” he asked, genuinely confused as to why he was being accused of discussing what was quite possibly the least compelling subject he could imagine with the human primitive, and Strax did have quite the imagination. Now lasers, lasers were a topic worth talking about.

If he hadn’t said something fantastically rude and she hadn’t done anything this time then the only conclusion she could draw was that she was right all along, Jenny really had come to this on her own, which probably meant she was right. She felt nauseous, this wasn’t something she’d prepared for, a life in this world without Jenny by her side. Cases were going to be so boring without her. Everything would be more boring without her.

* * *

Vastra saw her to the door. Jenny wanted to go out without a word to her but she had other plans. “If anything happens or you need me I’m sure you’ll be able to find me.”

“I still don’t understand.”

“I know.”

“If you want to put a stop to our arrangement we can. My opinion of you wouldn’t change.”

_Arrangement._ If she had any reservations she absolutely needed to get out of there, that did it. Out the door and no looking back until she couldn’t be seen doing it. She’d keep her head down and take up in some kind of cheap room. If she was going to survive outside of Paternoster Row she couldn’t stay in once place for too long. Any other woman might have taken up a job hunt, but Jenny had never taken to legitimate employment and she wasn’t about to start now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah im getting jenny out QUICK because everything that happens after this i think is so funny oh my god
> 
> I'm the only person that finds me as funny as i do so im gonna LAFF
> 
> no i still have not thought of a better title


	3. Chapter 3

Jenny lay shallow roots south of the river, paying for a room by the day from someone who didn’t ask questions. At first in this situation she thought she may be able to spread the budget even further than initially thought. Reality and her nature proved otherwise. By the end of her first week she had about seven days’ worth of funds left. There were _a lot_ of hungry people in London. She’d find the money elsewhere.

She was hoping to have more time to plan illegal activity but with her bothersome sense of charity and fair play she couldn’t not have chucked a few meals and coins their way.

She looked out the filthy window of her room. Since she was on her own she could use the underground to get anywhere she needed and nobody would look twice at her being there. The problem was getting back. With Vastra they had twice the amount of arms to carry loot, maybe even more than twice, Vastra had really long arms. Long arms that could hold huge bags of cash.

She couldn’t risk hitting a bank, not on her own, and pick-pocketing seemed… so pedestrian now. Amateur even. _Where has a lot of cash and not a lot of security?_ And it did need to be cold hard cash, she didn’t have a fence, not since they’d moved into Paternoster Row. That was a thought, she needed to find a fence as soon as she could too.

She couldn’t hit a museum, she didn’t like dealing in the priceless. She wanted things with set values. It really did need to be cash. Something she could just burn through. Nobody would notice as long as she had a place to stash it and lived reasonably.

She hid her hair under a cap and took to the streets when night fell. She wished she could have her sword on her but that would have drawn attention and if a bobby who’d been on a case they’d worked he’d recognise her immediately. Instead she had a concealed knife and her fists. Just in case.

Scoping out joints was the worst part of the job. It was boring and she was… well, she wasn’t _short_ short, but she wasn’t always tall enough to see over a tall fence or a man in a hat. She was staying south of the river which meant covering a lot of ground on foot before getting anywhere worth hitting, which also meant getting back with her haul would take time too.

* * *

While Jenny was off searching for the perfect mark Vastra had flung herself headfirst into her work. She was taking more and more cases, even the most trivial, she would dive deeply into each one, losing herself in each mystery as much as she could.

Some clients mentioned that they’d expected to see her assistant. The stories about them painting them very much as a package deal. It was one of the rare occasions she was thankful for the veil, she’d seen herself in the mirror and she could only describe her expression as ‘desperately sad’ when she thought about Jenny. It had only been a week. Vastra had expected some kind of improvement after the first day, like a cold, but she felt just as grim.

The house seemed to have shifted an inch to the left. Nothing seemed quite right, time seemed to pass at unusual rates and food lost any semblance of flavour. She was sleeping less and when she did get to sleep it was of poor quality. How had she let one human, one quite small human, affect her quite so much. She didn’t even let her, not really, not so much as leaped at the opportunity to have any kind of deeper involvement with her. No, the better question to ask was how she allowed herself to be less-than-passive participant in the matter. She was a sap. She was a grown woman and she should have known better than to assume things were fine! What happened to being the ‘Great Detective’?

For the seventh day in a row she chastised herself at length, _Detectives shouldn’t assume! You’re no better than the Yard_ and _you upset Jenny, perhaps the best friend you’ve ever had. Only you, only you could so perfectly offend that you are left wanting and not knowing exactly what it is you’ve done._ She fell into a seat, sinking so deeply in it that her shoulders were at her eye level with her hands firmly grasping the fronts of the arms. _Jenny said it wasn’t about me._ She curled her fingers into her hands. _But she didn’t tell me what this is all about. Did she not feel like she could trust me? Is she in some kind of trouble? I really ought to have checked that, if anything were to happen to her I would never forgive myself._ She squeezed her eyes shut, hoping to combat the headache she could anticipate coming and forcing herself to think a little more rationally for a moment. _Its Jenny, she’s always in some kind of trouble, that couldn’t be it, and if it were she’d be fine. Its Jenny._

* * *

Until she had a fence there was no way she could hit a residence, even if the toff who lived there was the slimiest man she’d ever met. They all lived on credit, no large cash sums were to be found there. She went for the next best thing. A place where those very rich folks frequented. A gentleman’s club. In particular, _The Guard’s Club_. If there was one thing she really could not abide by it was a toff in a uniform.

Easy enough, in theory, even without backup. In and out nice and quietly. She flexed her feet in her boots again, ignoring how it aggravated her blisters. No squeaking. Was it wrong that she felt the corners of her lips pull up? It would be lying to say that she didn’t entirely miss her old line of work.

It was almost too easy. Using the butt of her knife to knock the single guard out cold (she checked him over, just in case), sneaking in in the dead of night, picking the locks as easily as she ever could. _You’d think these sort would invest in better security_. Not that she wasn’t grateful for the ease of access, but some proper practice wouldn’t do her any harm. Vastra had found her all sorts of interesting and complex locks, some of which she suspected weren’t strictly terrestrial or chronologically appropriate in their setting. _Not the time to think about that, Jenny,_ she told herself when it was taking a second longer to crack the lock than it usually would. _Get some capital then you can get nostalgic_.

She made her way through the building. It was dark and all she had were matches. She was going to have to ruin the nice lining of her jacket pocket by stashing all the burnt sticks in there. Probably wasn’t the best idea to leave any kind of trail but it was either light her way by match or fumble around in the dark. The only person with the forensic skills to track her from burnt out matchsticks was also the person most likely to give her a free pass for any robbery anyway. This kind of job was all about calculated risks and she was pretty good at mathematics nowadays.

After what could only be described as a stroll by the world’s most comfortable trespasser she found a side room with a modest desk tucked into the corner, which was unusual for an establishment such as the one she as intruding in. Whoever used this room was very definitely boring. Someone who handled money used this as an office, judging by the profound dullness of it. Even the leather inset of the desk was _beige_. Awful really. If a safe was going to be anywhere, it was in there. She jiggled the handle. Predictably, locked. Annoying that she had to put out the candle and pick the lock by touch alone. If Vastra were there with her she could have made her hold a match for her and she would have had someone tell her her skills were very impressive. These kinds of jobs were always much more fun with a partner in crime.

When she was in she closed the door behind her and immediately began searching for the cash safe. It didn’t take long. The reason she didn’t spot it immediately was because it was under the desk with a blanket or a throw over it that, in the relative darkness, looked to be the same colour as the wall. Jenny, judging by the desk and the rest of the drabness of the room thought that it wasn’t too much of a stretch to assume that it was the same colour as the wall in all lights.

It was a combination lock. Fun! She hadn’t done one of those in a while. She lay flat on her back beneath the desk and pressed her ear against it while she listened and felt for it to give. It took longer than she expected. Next time she saw Strax she was going to have to ask him to check her ears. It was that or she’d lost some of her touch and she was just cocky enough to assume it was something outside of her control.

As she expected, it was full of it. So full that she wasn’t sure she was going to be able to get at it all. She pulled her bag to her chest and started filling it from her laying down position. She made good progress through it before conceding that there was only so much space she could fill.

She really was being spoiled. More money than she’d left Paternoster with and a perfectly dark night with plenty of greenery to disappear into.

She locked the door she came in through behind her and gave the guard a nudge (he was still fine). She cracked her knuckles, hearing it echo into the otherwise silent Pall Mall before having the dangerous realisation that she might just _enjoy_ this, not just be good at it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wont lie i rushed this so i could update on 420
> 
> the most minimum editing


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i just wanted to get this out because it was annoyingly diffing cult to write owo

After she hit the club Jenny reclused herself for a few days. She hadn’t thought terribly hard about stashing her loot. She couldn’t carry such a large sum of cash about on her, if for no other reason than she had to carry other things sometimes, like groceries, or expensive vases, or piggy banks.

There was nothing else for it. She couldn’t keep that amount of money on her and she didn’t like the thought of leaving it anywhere, especially when the proprietor of where she was staying was dodgy enough for her to feel a kind of kinship with. The bank knew who she was, knew her face, and more importantly, they knew her as Madame Vastra’s maid who had explicit permission to access her account. She’d just… deposit her liberated funds in Vastra’s account. She never kept track of it anyway and as long as she always knew exactly how much she deposited and withdrew it would be fine. In all her time knowing Vastra she never checked her account herself. She always said she found it dull but Jenny had a strong suspicion that the truth was that she just did not understand any element of human economics. Nor did Jenny, not really, but she knew how to stretch a pound and that was leagues more than Vastra.

She dug through her bags trying to find something approximating propriety. When packing to leave Paternoster Row she prioritised comfort and stealth over anything else and she certainly wasn’t going to pack her uniform. That was a bad idea. It was such a good disguise and she’d left it behind for principals sake. Instead she’d left it in plain view in her own room that she hadn’t used in months, even hung it up on the outside of her wardrobe door so Vastra could see that she left it behind. All the times she’d told her (now former) madame off for being unnecessarily dramatic to the point of detriment and she, evidently, was just as bad. It explained a lot really, why they got on so well. She frowned at herself and sat on her sorry excuse for a bed. Resulting to euphemism and undermining whatever their relationship really _was_ , if it _was_ anything, was part of the problem.

Jenny resigned herself to having to lug the cash around with her and using an unsuspicious amount of it to purchase an outfit that could pass as a disguise. As much of a benefit as it was that she found a place she wasn’t worried about having to answer questions she also didn’t necessarily trust the proprietor, especially not enough to leave ill-gotten funds lying around without an iron clad hiding place.

She decided right off the bat that there was no way she was buying another uniform. Not on her life. She was done with that. Dead and gone. She hadn’t taken it for a reason. Paths cleared for her while she walked and she realised her grimace must have looked something fierce as she thought about it. She kept it up and all but marched. It was nice for someone of her limited height to not have to bob and weave through a street.

The bank tellers were familiar with her. They knew she was usually dressed smart, if modestly, but not quite like a maid whenever she went, so it should be fine to invest in some impractical but ‘nice’ clothes just in case, a working class disguise. She’d made sure to pack all her outfits that paired well with a sword and those were _nice_ but definitely not appropriate for legitimate banking. If Vastra decided to clear out the room and saw what she’d taken from her wardrobe she’d know that she’d planned to be up to no good. Though, that probably went without saying.

Normally she just let Vastra buy her clothes for her. She knew her measurements and pallet better than she did and had a better eye for that sort of thing. She just resigned herself to buying as close as she could to carbon copies of whatever skirts and shirts Vastra had bought her. She did like the shirts.

She was just a new upstart working in a household and needed more appropriate threads, that the line she was selling. She could deal with the sneering and side eyes from the shopkeepers as long as she was in and out in the shortest time humanly possible. Or any other species’ standard of hastiness. Vastra wasn’t fond of the anthropocentrism of modern Earth.

Nowhere that Vastra might frequent or where they knew her. She didn’t want to go and then have whoever was on the desk mention that she’d be in the next time Vastra decided she simply must have something new to wear. She’d left but she didn’t want to hurt her reputation by accidentally putting her in a situation where she’d have to admit that her maid quit and then have to fabricate some kind of reason. She was a really bad liar.

Having said that, she did have a lot of cash to burn. It wouldn’t hurt to have something _nice_. She could wear it to get through the front door in broad daylight for once. Wouldn’t that be a thing. But then she’d actually have to devote time to doing her hair too and by the time she’d managed to get it into something resembling coiffed it would be evening and she’d have break in anyway. She’d vetoed her own thought of splurging, it wasn’t worth the hours she’d have to dedicate to both learning how to do her hair and actually putting it into practice.

Cheap and cheerful. She’d just go somewhere cheap where she probably wouldn’t be remembered and buy whatever. Maybe nab a shirt and pair of trousers and say they’re for her fella.

She went into the first shop that would do. She’d already moved an amount a woman like her would be expected to have from her bag to her purse, which wasn’t a lot. It felt weird to be carrying so much money on her person and she was desperate to just get this change of clothes so she could go to the bank and wash her hands clean. Not _clean_ clean. Just a rinse, but without soap.

“Just these thanks,” she said to the young man on the desk. “How much will that be?”

He answered, she was sure, he definitely moved his mouth and words came out but she didn’t pay attention. Instead she just took out her purse and handed over the contents. She didn’t need the change and if she’d underpaid either he didn’t have the arithmetic skills to figure it out quickly enough or he’d catch up to her.

As soon as she got ten paces out the door (famously too far to turn back) she realised she’d missed a golden opportunity to get changed then and there rather than be forced to find somewhere else. Vastra would have thought of that.

She practically stormed her way back to where she was staying, annoyed that she had to walk past the bank only to go back on herself when she’d gotten changed. It was only when she was walking in her new skirt that she realised that she must have looked a damn sight to the boy in the shop and anyone else who cast their eyes down a few inches below average height.


	5. Chapter 5

After she returned to her temporary lodgings she left just as soon as she was changed, looking every bit the ladies maid the tellers had come to know. She hadn’t been gone from Paternoster Row for long and she knew Vastra was the sort to brood for a while so she was fairly certain she wouldn’t have told the bank not to give her their service. Having said that, Jenny was also fairly sure she’d forgotten about it altogether since she very rarely handled money above a certain amount. That was probably going to become a problem at some point but that bridge was still only on the horizon.

She really hated going to the bank. All the tellers were blokes and thought money was all there was. The room she was holing up in wasn’t too far from the bank, it only took her twenty minutes to walk. Twenty minutes that felt closer to two hours with ‘Madame Vastra’s deposit of the frankly enormous and unholy amount of _six-hundred Great British Pounds_ ’ weighing her down like an albatross around her neck that was definitely putting undue strain on her back.

When Jenny entered through the doors she made a beeline for her favourite teller. He was alright, to be fair, younger than the rest of them and spoke like he came from a humbler background. He'd probably given his name before but for the life of her she couldn't remember it so there was always a matter of skirting around that issue whenever she came.

“Alright?” she said when he smiled at her in recognition.

“Alright Jenny, how can I help?”

She put the bag up on his table. “Madame asked me to deposit this.”

He straitened up at the _thud_ the bag made against the wood. “Christ Jenny, she lets you walk around with all that?” Whatever his real accent was leaked out just a bit in surprise. Jenny wasn’t remotely shocked that he was putting it on a bit.

“No, that’s why I’m depositing it.”

“She must really trust you with all that.”

“Just what you implyin’?”

“Sorry, I only meant that I can’t think of many ladies who’d let the staff leave the house with that kind of money.”

“I think she’d rather take the risk than have to come here herself.”

“I don’t blame her. It’s awful.” His accent had all but revealed itself. Jenny was disarming by nature, it was almost a curse but also probably a good part of why a certain moody sometimes-misanthropic reptile warmed to her company.

“It’s your own fault for gettin’ in the rat race.”

“Pays the bills.”

“I’m sure it does. Now take care of that will you?”

“Give your lady my best.”

She tapped her head in a facsimile of a salute and turned to leave.

“Oi, don’t you want your bag miss?”

She heard him, it would have been hard not to, but she pretended not to. Vastra was always more overtly prideful of the pair (though with Strax in the picture he made her seem modest as a nun), but Jenny had more than her fair share of an ego and thought it would be too embarrassing to turn around and go back. It was, she rationalised, a strategic disposal of evidence when you really thought about it. High brow tactics only a seasoned professional like herself could come up with. What a shame to have to get rid of it, she really liked that bag and she highly doubted she’d find one so good any time soon. Sturdy, could hold reasonable amounts of loot. Perhaps they had a lost property and she could go back another day and ham up an act about how she’d be in such trouble with her mistress if she’d misplaced any of her things. But that would require going back prematurely and she knew better than that.

The much smaller wad of cash she kept on her person pulled down on the inside of her pocket. Her instinct was to put her hand over it to make it feel more secure but she’d spent enough time on the street to know that was a dead giveaway that she was carrying something of value and that just made her a mark. It would be embarrassing for both her and any poor urchin who tried to rob her so it was best to seem more trouble than she was worth. Vastra probably would have said she could have the highest income in the entire empire and still be more trouble than she was worth. Then she would have laughed and told her she was probably right.

She stuffed her hands into her trouser pockets and ducked her head down. It hadn’t even been a month and she was already missing her madame. She knew that when she left, she wasn’t daft, she was well aware of quite how attached she was to her. She’d called her her best friend more than once. Her unusually… intimate… best friend, yes, but that wasn’t something that they addressed.

When she got back to her dingy little place she flipped a shilling to the patron before making her way up to her room. What she hadn’t considered, very foolishly, was just how spoiled she was by the luxury of Paternoster Row. Her room was admittedly much nicer than anything she had before she met Vastra, but it paled in comparison to almost everything she’d grown used to and began to take for granted. Even just insulation, keeping the heat in and the cold and noise of the city out. She’d grown accustomed to sleeping in the warm and it was costing her a lot in kindling. Not that it mattered, she was fairly flush with cash and could easily sort herself out should she need to now that she had more than enough to tide her over for the foreseeable and she was paid up in rent for a whole month. More than enough time to find a fence if she ever needed to make a little extra scratch. Nobody was going to miss the odd vase here and there. Or jewellery. Or whatever else rich folk considered valuable.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you know when youre on a bridge and you're like hoo boy im sure glad this bridge got built so i can get to the other side and hang out on the much cooler more fun sexier side but you dont really care about the bridge its just there to get you to party town and also you personally built that bridge yourself? that was me writing this chapter because the next one i actually do like. in theory
> 
> yeah i didnt intend on taking this long but i really struggled to get this to exist and its dead short but its done now!


	6. Chapter 6

It took Jenny about two days of doing nothing but leisure before she realised she really needed a job.

Well, not a _job_ job. She'd probably die before being officially employed again. She wanted to go freelance, which was to say after the club hit she wanted to do it again. She needed to get her hands dirty. Going out and having exactly nothing to do and no drive was going to take it's toll. It was Vastra's fault really, getting her used to a certain lifestyle. It wasn't even a matter of money or comfort or even luxury, they were just _busy_ and she felt challenged. More than that, they had _fun_. As much as they worried about each other when they were on cases they couldn't deny that it was fun.

She looked at the four walls of the dingy flat she'd taken up lodgings in and decided that she wanted to be somewhere else. Somewhere familiar but just as low-key but without the risk of catching something from the black mould in every corner. Somewhere she was liked enough to have someone cover for her if she ever landed herself in a situation where she might have seemed suspicious not that she was an amateur or anything.

It didn't take her long to think of where she could go and when she did she groaned and tried to think of an alternative but there was none. "Jenny you sentimental idiot," she said as if she was going to be able to change her own mind.

* * *

Jenny went out and bought a new bag she could sling over herself, it wasn't as good as the one she'd lost earlier in the week but it'd have to do. She needed it to pack. It didn't take long and she wanted to be gone while the sun was still out. She left the key on the windowsill and left quietly. There was a chill in the air and she suddenly wished she'd had the forethought to take a coat from Paternoster too. It was hypocritical of her really, after all the times she'd chewed Vastra out for not wrapping herself up warm enough.

* * *

She wasn't sure how long it took her to get where she was going, she just walked and kept her head down, for all she knew she'd made it in record time but her hair was all still in place so it couldn't have been all that speedy. "Alright?" she said, voice uncharacteristically unsure, when she approached the bar.

The man squinted down at her. He was huge. Would easily knock himself out on the ceiling if he jumped, but ordinary adult folk didn't have cause to jump as often as Jenny did. "It can't be. You're that Jenny, ain't ya?"

He was a disarming sort, real cockney charm, put her right at ease. "You remember me?"

"I do." He drew himself up somehow even taller. "You still with that madame of yours?"

"That's actually what I came here about."

"Oh yeah? What's she want? She still wearing that veil? You think she'd be over the fella by now." He winked.

"Yeah you'd think. She likes to brood though, you know that."

"Still anti-social?"

"Less so, ever since the papers started going on about her people like to make her acquaintance."

"I'll bet. Glad she's doing well, always liked her. Now, what's she want?"

She ought to have prepared a lie on the walk there, there was ample time to. "Madame wants me to take up our old place."

"And why's that?" He was an older chap and had had kids of his own, he knew a mistruth when he heard one, but he liked Jenny and he hadn't exactly spent his life on the straight and narrow either.

Jenny shrugged. "You know what she's like."

"Well," he pursed his lips and sighed through them, making a noise like a horse with the lip flapping to match. "I'm afraid your old lodgings are taken, but I've got a nicer room you can have."

"'Ow much?" Her accent poured out thicker around other folk like her.

"For you? You give me four quid a month and we'll say no more about it."

Not a bad deal, she for sure could have done a lot worse and not had a landlord who liked her. This bloke used always used to say hello and chat to her back in the old days. "It ain't for me though." It was clear in her voice that she thought it was suspicious and she had a bad habit of looking gift horses right in the mouth.

"But _you're_ gonna be staying here, just pocket the rest of whatever she's given you for rent."

"You're a diamond you are."

"I do try."

"Here," she said, before putting two envelopes on the bar. "This one is to tide me over for a bit, this one is... Well I'm sure you can figure out what this one is for."

He opened the first envelope, pleased not to have to worry about collecting rent from her for a few months. He opened the second and looked back at Jenny. "You two ain't changed at all have ya?" He grinned at her, all long toothed an warm. "Still up to no good?"

"No idea what you're on about, sir."

"You really want me to stay quiet, huh?"

"Just ensuring privacy. You know how it is." She made a pantomime of throwing up a hood.

"Then you've got it."

"If I'm not back any time don't worry about it. Just keep the room for me."

"Say no more Miss Flint."

* * *

"Home sweet home," she said before slinging her bag to the corner. She'd unpack later and she wasn't so attached to the canvas vessel to be delicate with it.

He hadn't lied, the room was nicer. Bigger too. Place to walk. A whole bed of her own. She eyed it. She was definitely going to have to change those sheets, they looked too far gone to even be worth attempting to clean.

She opened the window to air out the room. It needed a good dusting, that was for sure, but this could be a place to call home for a while. It had the same smell as the room she shared with Vastra across the way.

It was for the best that their old room was taken. It would have felt wrong being there on her own, much like, she assumed and sort of hoped, Vastra felt in Paternoster Row without her there. She knew that was an unfair line of thinking. She didn't want Vastra to be upset, ever. The opposite. But she also did quite like the idea that her absence lowered her mood. She felt selfish for thinking like that. She could have just stayed. She had it really good but she couldn't have it both ways, she couldn't strike out on her own and desperately try to get over the silly too-deep feelings she had for her _and_ stick around in the house and go on adventures and fall into the same bed afterwards.

She balled her fists over her eyes and fell backwards onto the single bed. Oh, that was uncomfortable. _I wonder if I can smuggle a new mattress up here?_ She uncovered her eyes and interlaced her fingers behind her ears, rolling her eyes at herself. Since when had comfort mattered to her? If she focussed she could feel every single spring in the lumpy, misshapen mattress. It felt wrong that she could lie in the middle and hang her arms over each side. Jenny didn't sprawl as she slept, instead she tended to stay quite still and on her side with the blankets drawn up to her chin to keep warm, but she'd ended up sharing a double bed more often than not for months, it would take a while to get used to a single again.

She lay still for a while and looked at the door. She felt antsy and moved to crouch in front of it. If she had nothing else to do she could at least get familiar with her new lock, just in case. It was uncomfortably easy to get through, she'd have to get that changed. The fella downstairs wouldn't mind, especially if she slipped him a little extra coin and gave him the new key at the end of her tenancy.

Using her picks she relocked the door and put the key in the lock so it couldn't be opened from the other side. End of her tenancy? She moved to the window to look out of it. She could see St. Paul's. She probably needed to think of some sort of plan for the end of it, whenever it was she planned on leaving, she'd just taken it for granted that she could go back to Paternoster if she ever needed or even just wanted to. Jenny was many things but she was never usually that presumptuous. That couldn't have been fair of her, she hadn't exactly been fair or forthcoming with her reasoning when she left, she couldn't quite put it into words herself. 'Sorry ma'am I realised that my feelings for you are too strong for me to properly deal with so I'm going to run away.' She put her fists back over her eyes and lamented the fact that if she took a moment to be just a little bit more mature she wouldn't now be agonising over the fact that she completely unnecessarily left on awful terms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> finally... events and occurances
> 
> I've had this half written on my phone for a bit and I'm glad to get it out. I swear vastra is actually a player in this but jenny's just off being extra for a bit


	7. Chapter 7

Jenny had gotten herself a beaten up desk for her room. She needed somewhere to sit and think and plan. It was an investment. Probably would have been an even better investment if she was willing to spend just a bit more for one that still had it's drawer and not a cavity without even a base. Sometimes her frugality was a deficiency of her character, which proved to be the case more than ever when there was a loud thudding against the door that startled her so much that she knocked almost everything off the surface (for there was nowhere else to store her things) and onto the floor.

If Jenny kept normal, or even reasonable, hours it would have shocked her awake. "Jenny Flint!"

"Oh no," she said to herself.

The door thudded again. "I know you're in there!"

"Alright alright." She drew herself up as tall as she went before opening the door to a very damp, no-veil-to-be-seen, Madame Vastra. "Hi."

"It is cold and it is raining, I would appreciate being let in."

"Are you going to keep yelling?"

"No, you've already opened the door."

"Fine. Come on." She stepped aside. Vastra stormed in and whipped off her cape looking for somewhere to hang it. It was ungraceful to say the least. The fabric didn't lend itself to any kind of flow when damp and she got rainwater everywhere. Jenny held her tongue but wished she'd brought more than one towel with her when she left.  "Give it here," she said, taking it from her and hanging it off the door of her wardrobe before she could make more of a mess. "Can I help you, Madame?"

"I went to the bank today."

_ Oh _ . "Not like you," she said innocently, which was a dead giveaway.

"Quite, they thought so too, they informed me that my maid had made a rather sizable deposit only a week ago."

"Strange. Didn't think you had a maid."

"Precisely the point. I do not. So why, pray tell, would they have said that?"

Jenny shrugged. "Clerical error?"

"Jenny."

"Alright fine." She caved. It was a fair cop and she couldn't think of a good enough lie or excuse and even if she could she wouldn't have lied to Vastra, especially when she knew she couldn't get away with it. "I couldn't very well keep it all on me and it would've looked bloody suspicious if I tried to open up an account and put in that much."

Vastra calmed some. Her shoulders dropped but her posture remained impeccable as ever. "You should have at least warned me, I almost ruined it for you."

"You covered for me?"

"Of course."

"Thank you."

"I will not have people know my maid walked out."

Jenny almost thanked her for ruining the moment. "Yes that would be very embarrassing for you."

"And potentially catastrophic for you since you'd have no way to access your funds."

"Look, I'm sorry, I just needed to get it out of my hands, I couldn't risk keeping it on me or in my room."

"You should have told me."

"I know." She looked for something to do with her hands but found nothing. 13 Paternoster Row was full of trinkets and décor she could fidget with, the little flat she'd chosen to occupy was incredibly barren by comparison. Finding nothing she stuffed her hands into her too-shallow pockets. "I'm sorry for making things difficult for you." They continued to stand opposite each other. It was incredibly awkward and uncomfortable but Vastra wasn't seeing herself out and Jenny thought it would be rude to say so. "Thank you for covering for me."

"That teller you like asked me to give you this back." She'd been wearing her bag. Jenny didn't even notice, too focused on how livid she looked with her when she came in and the atmosphere they created.

She took it from her. "Good lad! I thought I'd never see this again."

"That was expensive."

"I know, it's my favourite, I was gutted to see it go."

"He told me you just left it."

"It might have looked like that, yes, but it's not entirely true."

"You left  _ evidence _ at the  _ bank _ Jenny."

"It's only evidence if they know it's evidence. This probably wouldn't be admissible in court."

"Say, for example, somebody saw you that night and this  _ piece of damning evidence _ matched their description."

"Nobody saw me and even if they did it was too dark to make out any details."

"So it  _ was _ you who robbed the club."

"You're saying that like you didn't already know."

Vastra hissed in frustration.

"Oi don't you hiss at me."

"I'm a reptile, I hiss. It's what I do."

"Not that hiss. I'm pretty sure you're swearing when you hiss like that."

"... You can tell the difference?"

"Of course I can tell the difference, I've got ears."

"Oh." She was suddenly finding it very difficult to be annoyed.

"Did you just come to tell me off?"

"I could have you arrested for fraud."

"Go on then."

"What?"

"Arrest me."

"Obviously I'm not going to have you arrested."

"Then what was the point of you coming here?"

"... To return your bag?"

"Are you asking me, or telling me?"

"I wanted to see you. It was a good excuse."

"Well you've seen me."

"I thought you might want to talk?"

"You thought wrong."

"Jenny, I would like to talk about what happened and, if need be, I can at least apologise when I know what I've done."

"Not everything is about you, ma'am, sometimes things are about me."

Vastra fought the urge to roll on her feet. It was already uncomfortable but the air had become thick with awkwardness and it was her fault. "Interesting that you came here."

"Landlord likes me and I know the area," said Jenny too quickly.

"Nothing to do with Paternoster Row being a stone's throw away?"

"No, but if something happens you better let me know."

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine."

"... I brought your sword with me too. It's in the carriage, I didn't want to come with it on and you think it was some kind of threat-"

"You're rambling."

"I am? Sorry." She rubbed her teeth against each other trying to get some control back over the conversation. "I can get it if you want?" she offered after a protracted period of silence. She'd been avoiding eye contact for long enough to have an opinion on the height of the ceiling. Too low. For her at least. Probably didn't bother Jenny as much on account of her vertical limitations.

"Why?"

"Because, quite frankly, I'm shocked you didn't take it with you in the first place. If you're sneaking about you should be able to defend yourself if something goes wrong."

"Nothing will go wrong." Her reassurance was perhaps undermined by her immediately following it up with, "But yeah, if you went to the trouble of bringing it I'll take it."

"Can I have my cape back while I go outside?"

"Why are you asking me?"

"It's on your wardrobe."

"Just take it."

Vastra stepped past her and slung it over herself.

It was still very damp and all but dripping on the floor. If there was a leak Jenny was going to be in so much trouble. Even more trouble than she was, but it was from another direction, so it was different.

"Ma'am, why is it so wet if you took the carriage?"

"I..." She didn't want to admit to nervously psyching herself up before knocking the door for a while. "I was investigating."

"Oh yeah? Anything interesting."

"Tremendously."

"Care to share?"

"As you are no longer under my employ I don't believe I should share such sensitive information."

"Right. You were on your way out, no?"

* * *

Vastra power walked to the carriage. The outside wasn't  _ much _ colder than Jenny's room but there was a difference. She had to wonder if the warmth of Paternoster Row was uncomfortable for her. If that was the case and it had lead to her leaving she was sure they could come up with some sort of compromise.

When she got downstairs Strax greeted her, he'd gotten out from his seat at the front of the carriage to lecture the horse on discipline. "Are we returning to base, Madame?"

"No, Strax, not yet. I am just retrieving Jenny's sword to return it to her."

He frowned. "I cannot approve of arming our enemies."

"Jenny is not our enemy."

"She left, does that not make her a deserter?"

"And what does that make you and I? Jenny is still our friend and ally regardless of where she lives." She did her best to use language Strax would parse and understand best.

"But-"

"Strax, do you really believe Jenny would take up arms against us?"

"Well, no." His voice was a little higher than usual and he extended the 'no' too much.

"And would we ever have cause to do the same?"

"No, but strategically-"

"Strategically speaking this simply means we have an armed and trusted ally outside of our normal base of operations. I trust we will not need to have this conversation again?"

He grumbled, devoting his attention back to the horse. The horse wouldn't abandon them at least. "No ma'am."

She took the sword out, not bothering to sling it over herself. "Good. I am sure she misses you too."

"Sontarans don't miss."

* * *

If Strax said anything else she didn't hear. If he did say anything it would have just annoyed her. She shouldn't have to defend Jenny. Strax should have known better and Jenny should never have put them in a position where she needed to be defended.

Jenny had left the door ajar for her. Not quite as welcoming as leaving it open but she appreciated not having to knock again.

"You took your time."

"Strax was trying to educate the horse."

"Stubborn mule."

"Which one?" Jenny actually laughed. It was nice. She did her best not to show that. "Here," she said, holding the weapon out to her.

Jenny took the sword from her. It looked wrong in Vastra's hand, she was much too tall for it. She was doing her a favour, really, by taking it. "I really will be fine."

"You don't know that and history has proven the contrary."

"Yes, but now I don't have to look out for you. I'll be fine." Jenny knew she was pushing her luck with the attitude but she didn't know how else to make her leave. Of course, she could have asked her to go or even politely suggested that the night hadn't been young since before her unexpected arrival, but that would have required an ounce of decorum and she had always ran low on that.

"Look out for- I was looking out for you!"

"Maybe if you focussed more on yourself we wouldn't have ended up in so many avoidable scrapes."

"Why are you trying to start an argument with me?"

"I was only teasing."

"Oh. I apologise. I am finding it very hard to understand your tone now."

Jenny shrugged. In the action she really felt the weight of the sword in her hand. She couldn’t believe she’d almost forgotten what it felt like. "We haven't talked in a while."

It couldn't have been much more than a month could it? Vastra didn't keep a calendar, her schedule had only ever been composed of 'tomorrows' and 'next weeks'. Anything more long term Jenny would write down. "No, we haven't."

"You should probably get yourself home."

"Are you upset I came?"

"No. Now clear out, alright?"

"Do you hate me?"

"Fuck me ma'am, of course I don't hate you. You're being dramatic now."

"I was worried you did."

"I couldn't hate you even if I tried. Now are you gonna leave or not?"

"Are you giving me the option?"

"Strax will be getting worried. If he blows something up it's on your head."

"I don't hate you either."

"I know." Jenny put the sword down on top of the wardrobe. Within reach but not immediately in a stranger's line of sight. She chose not to say something about Vastra being needy. She couldn't have really thought she hated her, surely. She decided that no, she probably didn't  _ really _ think that, otherwise she'd have to sit and wallow in guilt for a while and nobody had time for that, regardless of whether or not it was true.

Vastra inched a bit closer to the door. Progress. "They asked me to investigate the break in at the gentlemen's club."

Jenny straightened up and squared her shoulders so quickly her joints cracked. Vastra winced at the noise. "So that's what all this was about. You should have just come out and said it."

"I didn't tell them it was you."

"If you did I wouldn't be here."

"I'm not planning on telling them either." It was, to Jenny, the most obvious thing in the world, but she did feel a little relieved.

"When did you know it was me?"

"I couldn't be certain until I went to the bank."

"Not what I asked."

"I thought it was probably your doing as soon as they asked."

"That why you're so concerned about evidence?"

"I would be regardless, but you've involved me now."

"Relax. If I get caught I'm your errant maid who took advantage of your trust."

"And my entire reputation is destroyed. Not only did I harbour a criminal who used me to launder money, she was also my partner when investigating cases." Jenny hadn't thought about it like that. "I can only assume you will continue doing what you're doing and I am only glad I was hired so soon. You cannot get caught."

"For your sake?"

"Yes."

"You gonna cover for me?"

"I will have to. Make it easy for me."

"And what do I get out of this?"

"I do not want to see you hanged. Surely that is enough motivation." She sighed. This was difficult, it was why she spent so long beating around the bush. "I know I cannot stop you and you won't take anything from me, this was the best alternative I could think of."

"I want to continue using the account."

"Fine." She really wanted to stop the conversation there but she couldn't help herself. She'd gotten all het up. "I see you're fine with being my maid when it suits you."

"Now you're trying to start an argument."

“Goodnight, Jenny,” she said finally, not giving her enough time to say it back before she closed the door behind her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this took me ages because i couldnt decide if i wanted this chapter to happen now or if i wanted to put two more before it and ultimately i decided against that because i think it would have just been filler and they havent hung out for a while and also i missed strax
> 
> yeah once again im a slow updater im so sorry owo


	8. Chapter 8

Jenny tried to glare at the door after Vastra left but couldn't. She was just too glad to have seen her. It made sense that she'd miss her, they'd lived and worked together for a long time and Jenny wasn't above admitting that she was attached. Still, she worked very hard and got herself worked up, she mustered everything she had to be mad with her for coming unannounced and doing very little to hide either of their identities.

In her heavily manufactured rage she slipped on the puddle of rainwater from where her cape had been hanging and suddenly it was a much more authentic form of annoyed. She could work with that. She could have fallen and broken her neck! And it would have all be Vastra's careless fault for letting herself get caught in the rain and accepting Jenny's hospitality!

Almost as soon as she got herself amped up she deflated. As much as she pretended, she didn't want to be angry with Vastra and it was probably wasteful to even try. She wanted to suggest that they go shopping together, or go out for tea, or come with her on a heist. Now that would have been fun, like the old days.

She fell backwards onto the bed and decided she should just fall asleep and deal with the fact that she was in the very fortunate position of being covered for. At least she knew she could trust Vastra. Even if she didn't know her well enough to be sure of her sense of loyalty, she knew Vastra would always cover for her. Their mutual attachment alone would keep her from turning her in. She held a pillow over her face out of frustration. It felt like she was taking advantage of her feelings and she would never have been that cruel. She hadn't intended on Vastra being hired for such a mundane case. It must have been a slow month at Scotland Yard.

She wondered if Vastra would frame someone for her crime. Someone who deserved it, of course. It's what she'd do if their positions were reversed. She stopped that train if thought. It was a bit too late to have a serious think about her morals. She was pretty sure she wasn't a bad person and she was certain Vastra wasn't, by her standards, but the world was shades of grey and they did carry swords that had seen their fair share of use and she'd since worked through any issues she may have had running them clean through anyone that sought to do more harm than they did.

Vastra had told her before that the world was not a series of checks and balances, but if it was she was sure that ultimately they sat comfortably in the black rather than the red and also reminded her that it wasn't like they went around swinging them blindly without taking any consideration. They either sent aliens on their way or dangerous criminals into the hands of the Yard. If whoever they caught wasn't doing any real harm the worst they'd done was a slap on the wrist and a telling off. Vastra joked that Jenny would have made a good school mistress in another life but Jenny said she would've gotten bored, she was much more interested in learning than teaching and she didn't believe she could set any kid on the straight and narrow, she was far too much of a bad influence.

It was good that Vastra told her there was a case, it just meant she had to be a little more careful. Not that she was ever going to be investigated as a suspect, Vastra would make sure of that. 

It was probably petulant, childish even, but she immediately set about her next robbery. She had more than enough to  _ thrive _ , not just survive, for a good while. But with the knowledge that she had the best alibi in the world, her misplaced ire at her now unwitting partner in crime, and sudden anxious frustrated energy, she couldn't help but take advantage of that. Jenny was many things, she knew for sure she was probably a good person, but that didn't mean she wasn't still cunning and opportunistic and sly. As long as she wasn't hurting anyone it was fine. She was probably putting out a net amount good. If she had funds, legitimately got or not, it meant fewer people went hungry and cold, including herself. That and it never felt bad to have security.

Not that security was a priority to her, apparently. If she was really being honest with herself she was making up convenient justifications. If security was a reason for making a living like this then why did she leave the security of Paternoster Row with their steady work, good pay, respect, and all the benefits that came with it? It was that realisation that made her shake of trying to find a justification other than 'it's a living and nobody really gets hurt' as long as she didn't nick anything with sentimental value. Rich folk, she had to admit, could have feelings too. They had to dig real deep and wade through their giant pools of the fruits of others' labour, but that didn't necessarily mean they were completely incapable of emotion.

She got herself dressed in her least eye-catching trousers and waistcoat. After she closed the wardrobe she looked up at the sword she put there.

It would be rude not to take it. Vastra had gone out of her way to bring it to her. Jenny had plenty of bad qualities but she  _ was _ polite. Taking the sword was the polite thing to do. It felt right strapped to her waist and resting on her hip. She wondered if she'd gotten rusty after not using it for weeks. It almost didn't matter for her purposes. She was sneaking about anyway so in a perfect world she wouldn't even need to take it out of the sheath and if she got caught she planned on just running away. If worst really did come to worst she was fairly certain she was probably better trained than any mook and/or goon in the city regardless of how out of practice she was.

If she was taking the sword strictly out of good manners then she had to take the bag too. Not just to fill with stuff that wasn't hers, just plain old good manners. 

It might have been a touch reckless to go out with criminal intent without casing the joint but it was hard not to feel confident with a sword attached to your side.

London really was beautiful at night. Street lamps lighting up everything in a soft glow, anyone would have the sense to use the evening more wisely by simply enjoying it. With the sword strapped to her she was forced to take odd paths and lesser known routes to avoid being seen as suspicious. If she had an ounce more sense and some impulse control she'd have worn some sort of cloak to hide her unusual outfit and weapon, but that would have required some forethought. Plus, she  _ did _ look cool.

She spent some time looking for a house that looked quiet. It didn't take too long. Most people kept more sensible hours than she did.

It took maybe five seconds for her to get through the lock. It was why she insisted on bolts on Paternoster Row. She wasn't the only lockpick in the city and there were plenty who were just as good as her. She didn't have one installed on the door to her current abode.  _ I should probably have a word with the landlord about that. I'll pay for it _ , she thought as she delicately closed the door behind her.

There was something about the smell of places with too much. It made her uncomfortable. She was used to the smell of burning wood and candlewax and unpronounceable chemicals, home smells.

She made a beeline upstairs. Small valuable things wouldn't be kept on the ground floor.

Two steps at a time on the lip of each stair on the far edges of each. That was how to stop them from creaking. There was no sound louder than a creaking step when you really don't want it to creak.

All the room doors were closed. Fortunately she'd done this enough times to be familiar with the layout. Still, she crept about silently and listened at the doors to know for sure that there was nobody in the room before she intruded further. She didn't have the luxury of light so she found that the first couple of rooms she checked had nothing of practical value after snooping about in the dark. Eventually she found what she was looking for: a vanity.

The curtains made a quiet rumble despite how slowly she drew them for a little more light. She looked over her shoulder after and paused a moment in case there were footsteps. Nothing, not even after she counted a full thirty seconds. Excellent. It made digging through the vanity easier. Various cosmetics that probably had little to no resale value, especially since she didn't know what any of them were for or what they did. Perfumes, but after knowing Vastra as well as she did she felt weird about taking anything that could be quite literally sniffed out. She kept looking and found two jewellery boxes, instantly stuffing the newer one into her bag. The stuff in there was probably worth less but none of it looked old enough to have belonged to a dead loved one.

She put everything back where she found it and closed the curtains before leaving the room feeling very ethical.

After getting back down the stairs, hanging a good amount of her weight on the way down on the railings to fight gravity, she turned the corner to head back out and disappear without anybody being the wiser. Less than a second after she made the turn she heard a loud crash behind her. "Shit," she said out loud before she could stop herself. She'd knocked over a (actually very ugly) decorative vase with the sword. This was exactly why she didn't like hallway décor.

She waited a second, just in case she got lucky and hadn't disturbed anyone's sleep. Of course it had woken up the residents. It was sharp, sudden, and very loud noise, they'd have to be especially loud snorers to not hear it.

There was nothing else for it, she just bolted. If she was quick enough she reckoned she could get at least halfway back to her place by the time anyone would even see her.

In retrospect it was good fortune that she'd neglected to wear any kind of cloak to cover her trousers and waistcoat, it would have made it very difficult to run and, with her luck, she definitely would have tripped over it. Even if it didn't get her caught she would have felt daft if she fell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was absurdly difficult to write holy shit it just would not happen. imagine if I ever wrote jenny as if she had a brain


	9. Chapter 9

It was sort of a thrill to have gotten away after landing herself squarely in the shit. When she really thought about it (and she tried not to) it was sort of Vastra’s fault, really. If she hadn’t barged her way into her flat and belligerently thrust the sword back into her possession she wouldn’t have gotten herself into this position. At least she hadn’t been seen, but she liked to do things clean. If she hadn’t broken the vase (or if Vastra, by proxy, hadn’t broken the vase) they might not have noticed anything was missing for a good long while and even then they probably would have just assumed a box so small had just gone missing.

She half expected Vastra to come storming in ranting about evidence and how she’d done an amateur job and that she was being forced to cover for her on not one but _two_ incidents of robbery. By ‘half expected’ she really meant ‘actually hoped quite a lot’ because seeing her the previous night had been nice. Really nice, despite things devolving into bickering because she refused to be mature enough to admit that she might possibly need to have a very serious talk with her about her very serious feelings. Maybe if she deliberately got herself in an incriminating situation then Vastra would have to come over uninvited again. Or, better yet, insist she hide out in Paternoster Row for a day or two until any heat is off her and she can go on her merry way.

“You are so stupid,” she said to herself to drag her out of her fantasy of seeing the woman she could very easily walk over to visit. She emptied the jewellery box into her desk and tossed it into the fireplace. “’You need to properly dispose of evidence Jenny’,” she said in her best mock-impression of Vastra, which was really just stretching out her neck and jutting out her chin to create a bit of extra height and haughtiness. If she hadn’t left Paternoster Row and had done that in front of the object of her derision she would have laughed and responded in kind with some quip about chimney sweeping or match selling. Now she likely would have just taken offence, assuming it to be a genuine take down of her character.

* * *

Vastra had very little going on. She’d given instructions to the Yard that she wasn’t to be contacted unless it was absolutely necessary and even then they should give it a second thought. If there were extra-terrestrials involved Torchwood could handle it. She had better uses for her time, like brooding and missing Jenny and keeping Strax from destroying the entire property because he missed her just as much and didn’t have a constructive outlet.

“Strax, if you must blow something up at least do it in the garden or take it out on a wall that isn’t load bearing.”

“Humans like to remodel.”

“There aren’t any humans here.”

“But-“

“And even if there were I doubt I would be stretching the imagination to assume that she would expect a discussion to be had about whether or not the ground floor should be open-plan.”

“Obstacles in a familiar environment do present a home team advantage…”

For a moment she completely forgot any annoyance at him or any longing for Jenny to be there with them in a brief state of genuine surprise. “A sports metaphor, Strax?”

“Miss Jenny was forcing me to learn about human culture and pass times.”

“She does do that.”

He shrugged. A distinctly earthling gesture that Vastra wondered if he picked it up from her or from Jenny.

Before she could go back to telling him of and possibly suggesting that he exhaust himself in the basement someone knocked the door. She looked at Strax. He was in no way presentable enough to answer the door. “Where’s my veil?”

“I didn’t take it.”

“I wasn’t implying- never mind, I left it by the door.”

“Shall I make tea?”

“Absolutely not. Make yourself scarce.”

“I can see to guests too," he insisted, wanting nothing more than to follow the orders of his commanding officer to the letter.

“Strax, my friend, I am giving you the opportunity _not_ to deal with a human client. I would have thought you would have leaped at the chance to avoid that.”

“… Good point. I will make myself ‘scarce’,” he said, putting air quotation marks around ‘scarce’, which he definitely learned from Jenny.

“Just be regular scarce.”

She let him be and willed him to behave himself while she adjusted her veil before opening the front door. “Hello?” When was the last time she answered to door for a guest or client? She wasn’t sure she knew how to without seeming especially odd.

“Is this Madame Vastra’s residence?” asked the visitor, a terrifically average older gentleman with a typically well-groomed moustache and a common stature of around… if she had to guess five ten? Nine and a half without shoes.

“It is. Do you have an appointment?” She was going to feel very embarrassed if he did. Jenny handled that and she didn’t know if she just remembered everything or if she had it written down somewhere If she did have it down then Vastra couldn’t find it.

“No, but-“

“Are you from the Yard?”

“No but you posted an ad in the paper a while ago.”

“We aren’t taking new cases at the moment.”

“But-“

“Sir, I am not taking any cases.”

“Will you at least hear me out?”

“I can assure you that I am not interest-“

“We were broken into last night!”

Oh how she resented her own curiosity. “Was anything taken?”

“Not as far as we can tell but the thief made a mess.”

“A mess?”

“Was anything left?”

“What sort of thief leaves stuff behind?”

“You’d be surprised.” She left the doorway and closed the front door behind her. Strax would just have to make sure he didn’t destroy the place on his own. “Lead the way.”

“Beg your pardon?”

“Go. I’ll follow.”

“You’ll investigate? Really?” He seemed to lose at least thirty years with his enthusiasm. “Oh Madame, the missus will be thrilled. We’ve both read all about your exploits.”

“You have?”

“You’re quite the sensation.”

“It’s a living.”

“The neighbours will be talking about this for days.”

“That’s strange.”

* * *

Honestly she’d only agreed to inspect the scene of the crime because, after hearing that it was a break and entry, she thought that it might have been Jenny’s doing after she visited her the night before to get out some kind of pent up frustration. This was quickly dashed when she saw the decimated state of the vase near the stairs. It was quite spectacular really, it hadn’t been a gentle fall and the shards had skittered far about the corridor from the point of impact. Jenny, known highly skilled career criminal before mostly staying on the straight and narrow with Vastra, would never have been so careless. Especially not after receiving an unwelcome lecture from her the night prior.

She was disappointed. If it had been perfectly clean and there wasn’t so much as a mote of dust out of place then she would have had reason to suspect her and thus a reason to visit again.

“And you’re sure nothing was taken?” she asked out of civic duty.

“Well, we haven’t had a proper look, but not as far as we know.”

“No large sums of money?”

“No, we use a bank.”

"Where is your wife?"

"She's having a fit of the vapours, its all very stressful. We'd only just had the locks done."

That piqued her interest. Under her veil her brow quirked before she reminded herself that Jenny was not the only skilled lockpick in the city. She sighed and left the shattered vase alone. “If as far as you can tell nothing was taken and you were woken up when you heard the vase smash then it is very likely that your intruder is an amateur and escaped before they could get their hands on anything.”

“Well that’s a relief.”

“I’m sure.” She made no effort to hide her disappointment.

“Used to more exciting cases?” he asked, his disappointment just as apparent.

“Yes, typically. I won’t charge your for this investigation, but do be sure to recommend my services where appropriate.”

* * *

Vastra hated feeling like she wasted time. It was a fruitless investigation and having to walk back home afterwards felt like she was being punished for hoping that it was Jenny causing havoc. She should have known better. _If it was Jenny I would never have even been called upon and even if I had been there would have been no trace_ , she told herself. She’d robbed places with significant security with Jenny and watched her make short work of every lock they’d ever come across and they’d made their way through more than their fair share of locked doors.

It was _boring_. Perhaps accepting whatever Scotland Yard needed her help with and ending her breakup induced sabbatical would be good for her. It would get her and Strax out the house and into the right kind of trouble. She’d send word that she was again available for consultancy and go from there.

She didn’t like walking through the streets on her own. It was a constant source of anxiety. What if she lost her veil somehow? What if she bungled one of the many strange social graces this time insisted on observing? What if she got herself lost? She should have just taken the fellow’s address and had Strax ready the carriage but she was too eager at the prospect of investigating a crime scene that might have been Jenny’s and compelled to cover for her if it was.

By the time she got back to Paternoster Row it was barely midday. Too much of the day left after an open and shut case, especially when she had no desire to use that time constructively or even for leisure. It was hard to even find the motivation to read and she was a very literate woman (Jenny had taken to frequenting the many surrounding bookshops at least once a week to expand their already impressive library).

She went to open the door and realised she had forgotten her key when she left. She realised then that she very rarely even carried keys and it was almost always Jenny letting her back in. Not that she would have had anywhere to put them even if she had remembered.

“Strax!” she yelled as she knocked, suddenly wishing she’d insisted on continuing learning how to pick locks instead of giving up after one lesson. It was difficult! And Vastra didn’t have Jenny’s lifelong history of blue collar crime, only sharing her natural predisposition to it, apparently.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow! 2 chapters in one week! look at me go! not to brag but at the time of writing this im exactly 27 words into chapter 10 my keyboard is basically on fire


	10. Chapter 10

Frustratingly, after deciding emphatically that it was time to return to work after a leave of absence, despite being a freelancer, the cases didn’t come flooding in. It had been more than a fortnight since she’d sent word that she was available for consultancy and she’d heard nothing. It was long since past time to return to normal. If she could cope and even _thrive_ in a new world with her old life and loved ones literally millions of years in the past she could get over one woman. Even if it was one woman she really did like quite a lot.

She cleared the pinboards save for a few maps of UK cities (not that she was particularly good at map reading, it was always Jenny who could navigate their way around) and squared all her stationary in the study. Strax, at her request, had already sent word that she was returning to regular work to Scotland Yard and the local constabularies. If she trusted him with any form of currency she would have also asked him to get the paper to run a new advertisement to drum up the more esoteric civilian cases that usually amounted to petty theft and spurned lovers but occasionally had something more interesting going on. Actually, thinking about it, she hoped to avoid any spurned lover cases for a while.

It was literally weeks before anything interesting came up. She’d turned away petty cases like missing animals, she was not yet that desperate and if a dog went missing here and there it had probably been eaten by something bigger and or smarter and she wasn’t delicate enough to break that kind of news. That was one of the few things that wasn’t better with Jenny because afterwards she’d always spend the next week talking about how much she wanted a dog and Vastra had to suspend all other investigations because coming up with more and more reasons for them to not get a dog was too taxing and, honestly, a more pressing issue than any case.

Just as she was getting antsy after doing nothing all morning the door went. It would have been the perfect opportunity to put Strax’s etiquette training to the test but Vastra really needed to do _something_.

“Good afternoon,” she said a little to quickly (she’d almost forgotten to put on her veil and was out of breath from the action). Thankfully he mistook her haste for her well-known impatience.

“Afternood ma’am,” he looked up, she was taller than expected. “Uh, Cotton’s sent for you. We, well, _he_ thinks we might have a case for you.”

“A case? Please, come in. Close the door behind you.”

He did as he was told and followed her to the drawing room. The conservatory she normally used for such matters was in state with so may of the plants dying.

“What can you tell me?”

He shrugged and adjusted his hat. Vastra honestly couldn’t believe they made the constabulary wear such ridiculous things. Once she watched jenny knock one clean off an officer’s head with a stone in a crowd. ‘Tell me, what would a real woman of my standing do if they saw their employee do that?’ she’d asked. ‘Dock my pay if not fire me,’ Jenny had answered. ‘Remind me to give you a raise and promotion then.’

“Just that there’s been some robberies.”

“Plural?”

“Yes ma’am.”

“Thank you officer, I will do what I can. Please tell your superiors I will expect my usual rate for now.”

“… Don’t you need the address? Any details?”

“I will get them from Inspector Cotton tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow?”

“Yes. Today I have my own leads to follow.”

“Oh.” He’d heard enough stories about Madame Vastra to know that it was better than to question her detective work.

“Forgive me, sir, but why are you still seated?”

“Is that it?”

“I beg your pardon?”

“Your staff aren’t going to see me to the door?”

“Can’t you find your own way out? It is my understanding this is a relatively standard floor plan.”

“Right. Yes. Very good madame.”

He stood and looked at her oddly from the doorway when she called for Strax louder than the officer thought was dignified. If she weren’t such an intimidating presence he might have aired that though, but she was so he didn’t.

Vastra watched him leave and waited to hear the door close behind him before removing her veil. “What a strange man.” It then did occur to her that usually Jenny would have seen a guest out and then come back and made some kind of witty remark at their expense if she’d taken against them. Very occasionally she’d come back with a stolen wallet if they’d been particularly rude to Vastra. They had quite the collection squirrelled away somewhere and she was fairly sure that Jenny’s own was one she’d stolen and taken an unusual liking to. She was sure there was some sort of sensible criticism about carrying legitimately earned funds around in stolen goods.

Lost in her own thoughts she almost didn’t hear Strax barrel down the stairs, rather she felt the floor shake with each footstep. She couldn’t decide if it was better or worse than Jenny’s light feet being able to sneak up on her and scare the life out of her even when it wasn’t deliberate. Maybe she just needed to focus more on the present rather than lose herself in her own thoughts so regularly.

“You called ma’am?”

“We have a case.”

“Finally. I’m sure you won’t mind me saying there’s been very little to do since-“

“We needed to take a leave of absence to adjust our operation without Jenny.”

“But we haven’t changed anything.”

“I was adjusting.”

“… What’s different?”

She ignored the question. “Speaking of Miss Flint, I think we should pay her another visit.”

“Because you want to see her?”

“No. I think she’s our culprit.”

“And we’re going to obliterate her? Madame Vastra I’m not questioning your orders but last time you said-“

“We aren’t obliterating her.”

“Oh. Good.”

“’Good’, Strax?” she didn’t hide the mirth or interest in her tone. He rarely admitted his fondness for anyone but it wasn’t a surprise that if he was going to it was going to be toward Jenny. She had just as soft a spot for him too.

“She’s been out in the field. She might have information useful to us.”

“Of course Strax. An excellent strategic point.” At least he understood sarcasm even less than she did. “We aren’t going to arrest her.”

“Then what-“

“I don’t know exactly what we’re going to do but we aren’t arresting her.”

“So we aren’t taking the case?” he sounded somewhat disappointed, he’d become just as bored as Vastra.

“We’re absolutely taking the case.”

“So we _are_ arresting her?”

“I really would have preferred Jenny have this talk with you but she isn’t here so I see it is down to me.”

The way she was talking made him nervous. “Madame Vastra?”

“We’re going to be on the wrong side of the law this time, Strax.”

“… Interesting.”

“Jenny’s going to be so upset that she didn’t get to introduce you to a life of crime.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is very short but also i wrote almost all of this really stoned so it might be incoherent 😬😝😙
> 
> this is in two parts but a. i haven't written the second part and b. its such a different shift to the second half that honestly it makes more sense for it to be a second chapter
> 
> also i wrote out a list of all the things that need to happen in this and i wrote an incomplete list of 14 points and ive covered like only 3 of those points lmao i didn't anticipate this being as long as its getting whoopsie


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i finally updated can you believe

“Ma’am, I don’t understand why we are walking if we have a perfectly serviceable carriage.”

“Because it will do us good and I have a feeling I will need a walk after we leave her.”

“And why is that?”

“Jenny is… It is frustrating at the moment. She likely won’t appreciate our sudden calling and we may… bicker.”

“Primitive ‘flirting’.”

“Be that as it may Strax she would appreciate it being called that even less than I do.”

“I do not understand earthling courtship rituals nor do I wish to.”

“Me either.”

“If the human ended the relationship why do you insist on seeing her?”

“Because she is breaking the law and risking our reputation.”

“Sounds like an excuse,” he mumbled. Vastra ignored it, she was going to have a fight with one of her friends, she didn’t want to fall out with Strax too.

“She’ll be pleased to see you Strax.”

“We are no longer comrades.”

“Strax, just because something has happened between Miss Jenny and I, not that I know what it was, that doesn’t mean the two of you are no longer friends. There aren’t sides to be taken here.”

“She defected.”

“Defected to whom?”

“Away from us.”

“Do you really think she cares so little for either of us that she would completely burn these bridges? Besides, for whatever reason I think it’s only me that she has a problem with, you would have to work very hard to get into her bad books.”

“Well she’s in mine.”

“Don’t say that when we see her, it will only start an argument.”

Unfortunately for Strax and Vastra, Jenny was out doing daylight robbery. Jenny had once explained to them both that day time was one of the best times for such activities since people tended not to be in during the day and that it was a wasteful thief who chose only to operate at night when there were ample opportunities during the day.

They discovered Jenny’s absence only when they arrived at her room in Cheapside. The landlord didn’t so much as look up for more than a second when she arrived, not thinking to question Jenny’s story about being there under Vastra’s request.

“Jenny, are you in?” asked Vastra after knocking, knowing full well that she was not.

“Would you like me to break down the door ma’am?”

“Absolutely not.”

“But if there’s evidence-“

“We are aiding and abetting, remember?”

“How long do you think she’ll be?”

“I couldn’t possibly know. Do you have anything to write with? We could leave a note letting her know we were here.” Strax looked at her as if that was the most absurd thing she’d ever said and in fairness, it sort of was. “Of course you wouldn’t.” She sighed at the door. She really should have anticipated something like this happening. “Come along Strax, we will arrange to meet with her at a later date. Let us hope she does not get herself in too much trouble before then.”

They made it approximately three hundred yards from the gin palace flat before, almost literally, bumping into Jenny herself. It took her a moment before realising that she was not alone, which was an achievement since police wore rather distinct and noticeable uniforms. There really was no need to make them wear such ridiculous hats. Vastra had always thought it was cruel, a society with such an eye for fashion shouldn’t have inflicted a uniform like that on anybody.

“Jenny?”

“Ma’am! We were just talking about you.” She nodded to the young officer beside her. He had a very full bag under his arm, a bag that was very definitely not his.

“All good I hope. What’s that you have there?” she asked, knowing with relative certainty that it was ill-gotten goods. She had half a mind to call her out on her audacity. Really, who in their right mind had a police escort with stolen property?

"... Evidence ma’am. Because you’re investigating that sudden spate of robberies."

"Evidence?"

"Yeah. For the investigation you sent me on ma'am. About that thief that's been in all the papers.” So Jenny knew about that. The irony that she really was investigating the case and it wasn't just a clever lie Jenny had thought of on the spot was not lost on her. That would not be a pleasant conversation but at least if she played her cards right it could be on home turf rather than Jenny's flat in like she'd planned. "... I recall."

This gentleman here recognised me and offered to escort me back.” Jenny had not become a better liar in her absence. “Might find something interesting on this stuff before returning them to their proper owners." Vastra had to admit that with the charming pleading grin Jenny was giving her she didn't have much of a choice to do anything other than play along, though not without some revenge.

Beneath her veil Vastra had a face like thunder. “Oh no, I don’t think that will be necessary. Sir, if you would be so kind as to return to your superiors and take that… ‘evidence’ back with you. Have it returned to its proper home with my personal regards. I can take it from here. Oh and have Miss Flint's bag returned to my address too." Pointedly she diverted all attention back to her former maid, hoping he would take the hint and leave. "Come Jenny, back to Paternoster Row, hm?”

“But-“

“Jenny.”

"Right. Yes.” She’d backed herself into a corner and she knew it. She turned to the young man, “thank you for your help sir.” He smiled but before he could even say ‘you’re welcome’ the three of them had already begun to make their way in the opposite direction past him.

"Did you really have to do that?" hissed Jenny under her breath.

"Go along with your scheme? No, I didn't. You're welcome. We will discuss it when we get back. Strax, would you go ahead of us and get the kettle on?"

“Ma’am,” he said, before power walking away, so clearly grateful the opportunity to exit the situation.

“What you’re really expecting me to come back with you?”

“It is your house as much as it is mine and if you want to discuss an arrangement with regards to your recent return to your previous career then you will join us and avoid having such a conversation overheard.”

Jenny didn’t reply but she also didn’t turn and leave which was a comfort to Vastra who was trying very hard not to instigate pleasant conversation with the woman she’d grown to care for enough to risk her place in this new world.

They didn’t speak again until they got to the front door of number thirteen. “Do you have your key?” asked Vastra.

“Do you not have yours?”

“Of course, but I was wondering if you were still carrying yours,” she said as she unlocked the door. “Not that you’d need a key to get in anywhere.”

“I dunno, the locks on this house are good, it might take me a whole thirty seconds to get through.”

“Alternatively you could knock. Hang up your coat.”

“I _am_ house trained you know, I know where everything goes still,” she said, habitually taking Vastra’s veil from her and putting it in its proper place. If they both ignored the moment they could pretend it wasn’t happening.

From the living room Strax shouted that their tea was ready. “He’s gotten rather good you know.”

“Someone was going to have to pick up my slack and you couldn’t make a decent brew to save your life.”

“It is an intricate ritual.”

“There’s three ingredients. Sometimes four depending.”

“In very exact measurements that vary from person to person.”

Jenny fought a laugh and the fond feeling in her chest. “You said you wanted to talk to me?”

“Yes. Come. Strax will be wondering why we are taking so long.”

Vastra let Jenny lead the way to the drawing room, she did know the way after all. Strax looked almost… nervous. She waited for Jenny to sit before joining Strax opposite her, dividing them in two with the coffee table. Now that they were sitting, almost business-like with Jenny on the wrong end of one of Vastra’s interrogations. “Strax and I have been asked to investigate the recent thefts as you correctly surmised.”

“What, really? I was improvising.”

“I know, you were doing it poorly. You just happened to get lucky.”

“And?”

“Obviously neither of us want to turn you in but I cannot risk my reputation. If someone that isn’t me gets close to catching you all three of us are ruined.”

Jenny stared at her. “Then why would you give the copper my haul?”

“Don’t be ridiculous. Even an idiot would eventually figure out how suspicious it would have been if I never received that ‘evidence’. I did you a favour.”

"There was some good stuff in there."

"Did you lose brain cells when you left or am I just a horrible judge of character?" she snapped. The day was just getting more and more stressful.

"No need to be rude."

"You let yourself get caught! And used me to get out of trouble!"

Strax had slowly begun to sink deeper and deeper into the chesterfield.

"What, did you want me to turn myself in!?"

"You were caught red handed Jenny! That didn't even happen when you were on the street. This wouldn't have happened if you hadn't developed such an ego." Jenny scowled and crossed her arms while she got her earful. "You never used to be so reckless."

"I ain't reckless."

"You got caught!"

"And I got out of it. It's not like you're gonna dob me in."

"Are you certain of that?"

Jenny didn't respond.

"Please do not use my attachment to you as an advantage."

"That's not-"

"Then what?"

She shrugged, conceding that maybe Vastra had a point. The atmosphere becoming much less volatile the moment she relaxed and dropped her shoulders. "I shouldn't have let myself get caught. You're right."

"We both know you could be in and out of any building in the country without any notice, this is just a plain lack of professionalism."

"I'm plenty professional."

"You could be. If you don't up your game Jenny I won't _not_ be able to catch you."

"You haven't yet."

"Because I haven't tried."

"You aren't actually gonna turn me in are you?"

"And why shouldn't I?"

"Well, I'm your friend. We look out for each other."

"Is that so?"

"Oi, don't you be like that. I know I upset you but-"

"Upset me? Jenny you up and left without so much as an explanation!"

As quietly as he could Strax removed himself. There was a nice reprieve for a moment there where he thought that perhaps they’d nipped the argument in the bud but as it turns out, he was wrong. Either they didn’t notice or were kind enough to let him leave without explanation.

"I-"

"I'm still talking. You leaving would have hurt but I would never force you to stay anywhere or do anything. I could also live without the explanation, you do not owe me your thoughts, but the fact that you know you can use your former position and my...” she hesitated so her voice didn’t wobble, “…my affection for you to your advantage instead of actually using the full breadth of your skills is an insult. I will not bail you out if you get caught."

"What if I did get caught and I told them all about you?"

"You won't."

"And how do you know that?"

"Because after getting told off like this you'll be so desperate to prove me wrong that even I am going to struggle to keep up with you."

Jenny didn't reply, the carpeting had suddenly become the most interesting feature in the house. Vastra tipped her head up by her chin, gloves still on and softened her voice. "And even if I'm wrong and you aren't half the crook I think you are and you do somehow get caught, I don't believe for a second that you'd betray someone you care about.”

Jenny did her very best not to swallow the lump in her throat, even if she didn't see it, with her hand there she definitely would have felt it. "So, just so we're clear, are you going to turn me in?"

"I never would, and I'll never stop covering for you, all you need to do is not get caught."

"I can manage that."

"I hope so." She removed her hand and Jenny just stared at it for a moment. She really wished she’d taken off her gloves at the door too.

"Ma'am," she said as if she were about to start a sentence that never came.

"Hm?"

"Nevermind.” She stood and smoothed out the crease in her clothes to leave. She did not want to be seen to the door. “Stay safe alright?"

"As safe as you."

Vastra waited until she heard the door closed to stand herself. Jenny hadn’t touched the drink Strax had made for her. She poured it away immediately, she took hers too differently to enjoy and it would only have hurt Strax’s feelings if he saw that she hadn’t drank it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i did not proof read this so sorry for mistakes ive just been trying to get this done for literal MONTHS now i'll probably come back and fix any errors over the next couple of days but honestly im just glad to have this done finally im sorry for such a long delay lol


	12. Chapter 12

Jenny walked back steaming. Vastra had a point and that only annoyed her more. Losing what she’d taken wasn’t so bad, a minor inconvenience at most. It was hardly like she was strapped for cash, she’d never let that happen again, she was too old for it, too used to a certain lifestyle to let herself fall back into the gutter. She always wondered if she should have felt guilty for getting out, most of it was luck after all. It could have been anyone that met Vastra that night, it could have been anyone who opportunistically took a job as her maid. It couldn’t have been anyone but Jenny robbing the banks though, couldn’t have been anyone but her that fell into an easy friendship with her, nobody else would have had the patience. Vastra wouldn’t admit it, not to Jenny anyway, but nobody else would have been charming enough to win her over.

She let herself stew for a while. If Vastra didn’t want her getting caught she wouldn’t do anything risky, she thought, conveniently ignoring the fact that she herself also didn’t want to get caught.

Of course since her unplanned visit to Paternoster she still needed something to occupy her time. Since she was pent up and could justify making up her losses Jenny fell back on what she was best at, petty crime. Nicking a pocketbook here, nabbing a watch there, shoplifting from Harrods (though that required a bit of dressing up so not to have the doorman turn her away or keep too watchful an eye on her). It lasted her a little over a week before it got too boring and routine. She’d been spoilt by the detective life, but crawling back meant facing Vastra and actually having to talk and where would that get her? She was conveniently overlooking Vastra’s barb about not abusing her attachment to her. Of course she was attached, they were friends! They’d been through a lot together and that was all she could have meant.

Jenny had enough self-awareness to acknowledge that she was doing some serious mental gymnastics to get around thinking about the implications and that would have made her feel really daft for leaving like she did. She didn’t want to think herself into a corner and be forced to deal with the fact that all this could have been avoided by being brave and asking what, exactly, they were to each other instead of running away. Jenny simply wasn’t ready for that. Rejection wasn’t something she could face so it was better to keep it off the table. Were she not in the middle of removing some unsuspecting lady’s wristwatch she’d have sighed thinking about it all. If she didn’t have to hide all the time Vastra would have liked a wristwatch. The theatrical novelty of a pocket watch could not be overstated, but the whole production of whipping it in and out of a pocket wasn’t always convenient. As soon as she passed the woman who’s watch she’d stolen she put it on her own wrist with no effort made to be at all surreptitious. There was no need to be in a crowd, she learned that early on. Later she’d pawn or trade it, no point in fencing something so small.

It wasn’t late when she got back to her place. The proprietor smiled and waved at her as he did every time and she waved back. They didn’t talk, not really, and both of them liked that. When she’d lived there previously with Vastra they chatted more, he seemed to like keeping an eye out for her, but now that she was older, stood taller and had a harder look to her he kept a principled distance. He knew she was always up to something but if he didn’t know just what then it had nothing to do with him. He was a good bloke, kept his hands as clean as he could for someone who didn’t have a problem associating with the wrong side of the law. She wanted to do something nice for him when she eventually packed up and left. Good tenants like her were hard to come by and even though she’d paid for the foreseeable and then some up front she didn’t want to leave him out of pocket when she inevitably decided to leave without notice.

According to the stolen watch on her wrist it was barely three in the afternoon when she’d called it a day. It was hard to know how accurate that was though, these things were usually just a fashion statement rather than anything women really used. She twisted her wrist and frowned at it, it wasn’t even a particularly fetching piece. At least it was ticking.

She took out the wallets she’d stolen and emptied them before tossing them into the fireplace. If there was anything irreplaceable like photographs she’d try to post them back to the original owner but she didn’t have any scruples about taking whatever was of material worth.

She almost went to the post office that same afternoon she was so bored. That was the greatest difficulty with leaving, the boredom. She was hardly ever bored at Paternoster, even on the quiet days and even when she had nothing to do. It hadn’t even been a fortnight since Vastra giving her a hard talking to and a slap on the wrist and she was already considering getting herself in the papers. Vastra _had_ given her her blessing to continue so long as she didn’t get caught _and_ she’d promised to cover for her. She cracked her fingers individually before leaning back on her small bed, it would be nice to have the excuse to see her and it wasn’t like it’d be difficult to make some kind of rumble.

* * *

Strax found Madame Vastra laughing at the paper, he had no idea what she could have been finding so funny. Once he asked her to explain a cartoon and he was forced to conclude that earthlings simply had no sense of humour. He then followed that thought up the observation that he supposed they were already so funny looking they didn’t need high brow comedy. Jenny had laughed at that. He realised then that that was the first time he’d heard his mistress laugh since Jenny had left, in fact she’d been rather miserable the whole time.

“What’s so funny? Did somebody die?”

“No, Strax. And that isn’t funny.”

“Depends how they die.”

Vastra ignored that, but secretly agreed. “Anyway, to answer your question, it’s Jenny.”

“She’s in the paper?” His enthusiasm was obvious. It had been a month gone since they’d had her over and he could feel himself succumbing to boredom too.

“Not quite.”

“Explain.”

“There’s been a series of thefts. Rather audacious ones too. All the homes of wealthy young Cambridge men.”

“And how do you know it’s her?”

“Strax, be serious, who else is skilled enough and hates rich men as much as Jenny?”

She had a point in fairness. He’d heard enough tirades about rich boys and the ‘archaic class system’ (whatever that meant, he was never going to be able to get his (large) head around the social hierarchy of humans having come from a military meritocracy). “Madame I don’t understand. When we last saw Miss Jenny you were annoyed about her criminal habits, now you’re enjoying them?”

Vastra laughed again, fondly. “That was because she was being stupid and reckless. This is different, no evidence, no signs of forced entry, I bet if I were to go to each one of these houses even I couldn’t find anything.”

Strax had to admit to himself that it was nice to see her smiling so sincerely again, she’d been miserable to be around for ages since Jenny had gone and he’d grown tired of making her tea only for it to go cold when she left it in favour of occupying herself with ennui. He didn’t actually know what ennui meant but he’d heard it in context and it felt right.

She shook the paper, the noise of it drawing him out of his thinking. “See here,” she pointed to what was probably a pertinent passage, he couldn’t know for sure since she did it without actually showing him. “This one proposed to me at a dinner once, we’d met perhaps twice before- this was before my reputation preceded me and he thought I was just another wealthy widow with a claim to some foreign land.” He didn’t know much about his friends from before he met them so it was… surprisingly nice to hear about their past. It was nice to feel included. “I pretended to entertain the idea,” she continued as if Strax was as invested in the story as she was. He _was_ invested, just not quite so much as she. “Jenny was so upset with me, she hardly spoke to me the entire evening after that. ‘ _I can’t believe you’d even consider that man_ ,’” she said in what was, to Strax’s unrefined ear, a startlingly good impression of her former maid.

He waited for her to continue before speaking again, just in case there was a point to that story she hadn’t gotten to. He personally didn’t care for the arts but he’d learned that Vastra had a flair for the dramatic and could pause dramatically at any time without warning and then you’d be the rude one for interrupting her. “So what do we do about it?”

“Beg your pardon?”

“Aren’t we going to do anything about it?”

“No, of course not. Why would we?” she asked, genuinely seeming to be baffled by his question. Why _would_ they do anything?

“Because last time you insisted we go and see her and tell her off.”

“That was different.”

“How?”

“I don’t think she’s being an idiot this time.”

“Oh. So we’re going to do nothing?”

“We’re going to wait and see.”

“So we are going to do nothing.”

“Let’s call it… intelligence gathering.”

“But all you did was read today’s paper.”

“And did it or did it not have intelligence?”

“But where was the gathering?”

“Next time I’ll just not tell you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> long time no seeeeeeee
> 
> in fairness i did say updates would be slow. ive got a checklist of stuff for this though and im maybe 4 or 5 out of like 18 so thats like. a good chunk. right now i think this will top out at 50k words maybe. that seems right to me but who knows
> 
> also i did not intend the second half to be 700 words of strax time but here we are anyway. i dont give him enough time but i really truly do love him and his relationships with jenny and her awful wife who i hate are really good
> 
> its like 3am so im barely coherent anyway


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